I think the general rule of thumb is, the things you don't want to change, will change. And the things you want to change, won't. The secret is to stop crying over it, accept it and move on with you life.

can't wait to be leaving on that jetplane.

this morning, i was supposed to wake up early and go to the gym, but obviously, my sub-conscience was vehemently against this idea of physical pain.

instead, i had really strange dreams to keep me occupied and in bed. even as i type this, the dream is becoming more and more faint. but i do remember, two of my friends and i happened to be in switzerland, on a beautiful and blue but cold, white, lonely and isolated mountain where a woman lived. and we stayed at her house, and there she revealed her ability to turn people into puppets. not metaphorical puppets, but actual ones made out of yarn. somehow being a puppet was easier. and from there commenced a puppet battle for our lives, with yarn flying all over the place.

we survived. and the woman realized that life was much better as a real person. and then to celebrate that momentous occasion of victory, we got some passerby to take a picture. it really was beautiful there. and i remember missing home so much. and how much my parents might be worried that i'd been stuck here for days and weeks. and i thought to myself (in my dream) that even if it were 3000 miles, i'd start walking now till i got back home.

luckily there was an airport nearby, and we flew to prague, and from there we were meant to go home, but i woke up.

it was such a lonely dream that i woke up feeling disoriented and depressed, missing home, and a bit scared of puppets (or turning into one). but its a nice spring day outside so those feelings are fading away.

need

some stormy weather

and some happy people

once upon a time, there was this young swordsman, who would spend hours underneath a tree, practicing his art.

night and day, his sword would swish through the air, as the tree protected him from rain and gave him apples when he grew tired and hungry.

sometimes, the swordsman's sword would cut across the tree, creating a gash. at this point, the swordsman would stop and repent. "dear tree", he would say, "forgive my actions, for they were caused in foolishness."

and the tree would wave its branches in the air, and shower the swordsman in leaves, and stand tall still.

for many months, the swordsman practiced underneath the tree. as he grew stronger, so his power with the sword grew too. consequently, the cuts he drew on the tree grew deeper and deeper, slicing the tree more and more.

one day, the swordsman finished his training. he was now strong and ready to step out into the world. he bid the tree farewell. "goodbye, dear friend" he said, "and thank you for standing by me these many months."

he left.

that night, there was a terrible thunderstorm. the wind howled and screeched, and the tree, unable to withstand any longer, snapped and fell to the ground.

never tried blogging whilst drunk. not that im drunk now.

what's funny is that while typing here im eating a muffin. its a little bit ironic.

so i had a horrible and wonderful night. so many emotions swirling everywhere. and why is this city filled with drunk disgusting men! must move to a kingdom far far away. with princes and shit.

so many secrets and lies and betrayals and desires i feel like im living in a good indian soap opera. which of course doesn't exist. so i must become asexual and live in domesticated isolation so that my life remains simple and happy. but that's the problem, that i don't want to be alone.

but i don't want to be with anyone who wants to be with me, and i don't even want to be with the person i want to be with. because fuck that shit. past shit is done shit and no one needs that shit anymore.

time to become a monk and look forward to some inner fucking peace. right now the accent in my head is very strongly scottish man because of the company i was in "mahn" haha.

i really hope things work out. and that everything is okay. so much STRESS! aaaaaaaaa.

time to breathe. peace out man. peace out.

friends to lovers to nothing