If God has a plan for everyone, why are there homeless people?

I mean, what if that's the plan for me? To live a decrepit life of poverty in a box under a highway, brains addled by cheap liquor and heroine, with a graying cat named Cat for company? Wrinkly and haggard.

I think I'd walk with a staff. And slouch towards happy kids, prophesizing of the return of the Great Toad of Yore with great and dramatic hand gestures. And a missing tooth.

That could be a plan. Hmmm.

Day Huh What?

So I realized, I'm really bad at sticking to a resolution that involves daily activity. And I also start a lot of sentences with 'So'. And 'Anyway.'

So, anyway, here I am to rant about your timing, and the timing of the universe. I was struck with the realization that, a long time ago, after a year of longing, after I had finally moved on, God took notice of my earlier wish, and so set in motion a series of events that were to cause everyone a lot of pain, but would in the end result in the fulfillment of the aforementioned wish.

Here's the story.

Boy meets Girl. Girl likes boy. Boy is dating someone else. Girl wishes she would stand a chance. Boy ignores Girl. Girl starts moving on, finding love in someone else. Boy and girlfriend start fighting. Girl falls for other boy. Boy and girlfriend kind of break up. Girl meets Boy again. Girl is dating someone else. Boy and Girl talk, laugh and fucking fall for each other. boyfriend hurt. girlfriend hurt. Hence Boy and Girl hurt.

God: Whaaat, I gave you what you wanted, didn't I? Kids these days.

True, true. Boy and Girl pick up the pieces. Make a new puzzle. Try to fit the pieces together the best that they can. That's what it's all about, in the end, isn't it? That, and a few chocolate tarts here and there.

But now we have to slowly dissemble the pieces of the puzzle.

day 10

Thoughts of the day!

1) Haircuts suck.

2) Long car drives have started making me nauseous. Thank you Pune.

3) I miss everything but this place.

4) He did it again! 

5) I really can't stick to a decision.

6) I haven't had many thoughts today.

Oh and good news! I might still have a future!

day 9

In order to not get hurt in life, you must remember that people are expendable. The people who remain in your life deserve to stay there, but the ones you keep fighting to keep... after a point you have to realize that you must let go. There will be more. Maybe that seems like looking into a gloomy void right now. But eventually the void will decrease to a light at the end of a lonesome tunnel. If it doesn't, hey, I'm sure you should go back and call that person. Because maybe you've got some past life karma to work out. Maybe. Bollywood movies have made me think a little fantastically. Fantasyishly? You get the point right?

You know what's annoying though? The person who you've finally decided to let go of, gives a reason for his or her behaviour, and you decide to rethink your decision to let them go. And then they go and do the same thing again. And then again you must steel your heart and be ready to let them go. And again they apologize. And so it continues.

At this point, you must realize that you definitely do have a past life connection. It's almost always with the people we find hardest to detach from.


Children are always fascinating. Without any current life karma. I mean, I'm sure no kid would hold a lifetime grudge if another kid ate his crayons. 


What if there was a child? What if that child was somehow symbolic of something? I don't know yet what it could be symbolic of. A deep connection between two people? Well that's pretty obvious. Is it symbolic of some weird connection? A reason that they will never let go? Is it symbolic of something we are trying to avoid having to face? Why is it, sorry he or she, there? 


What is this strange bond between a mother and a child? What thoughts come into her head about the father? It's really scary to imagine this happening. There's a wall there, stopping any thoughts from being thought. An anvil which squashes any thoughts that might come up.


This is definitely not the time. But I don't know what this connection is, between you and me. But it's there. Even if  I tried to get away from it. Even if tomorrow I decided not to talk to you the entire day. I don't know if I could. The thought of not talking to you an entire day is really scary. 


If I write an auto biography, it would start like this, "Once upon a time, my life was carefree and idyllic. Then one day, I met you." 


Okay so it's not one of the most inspired things I've come up with. Shall keep working on that. In the meantime, if you're reading this, please don't feel bad like you are prone to feeling after things like this. By some insane fucking karmic logic, I still love you. 

Day 7

Sometimes things fall apart. And then they fall apart some more. You just gotta hold on tight, and hope for the best. 

Day 6

And here I thought, something that bad couldn't possibly ever happen. No way in hell.

What a difference an extra line makes. 

Day 3

7th July 2012

Imagine this.

Flashback style.

It's around 8 o'clock. I'm in front of my mirror, with a million clothes strewn across my bed. Can't decide what to wear. Then I think, fuck this it's not like he'll notice anyway. It's just momos and pani puri. Just him and me. Then I look in the mirror again and change into something else. The phone beeps. He's left Camelot, walking now, almost at the gate (didn't I tell him to text when he was leaving his house?!) and come down now. Shit, not even done with eyeliner, no more time to change! Rush rush. I say bye to the roommates, and skedaddle down. Or rather, wait for the painfully slow lift to get to the 5th floor. He's already called again.

"Where are youuu? Come down quick re!"

"Yes, yes just a sec."

I walk out towards the gate, heart beating JUST a little faster, already smiling widely though I try to look casual and all cool and shit. Can't help it man. There he is, standing, talking on the phone to his parents, smoking a cigarette. I smile at him and we start walking towards the momos guy. While on the phone, he notices me walking on the outside. So he grabs my waist, as only he is allowed to do, and pulls me towards the inside so he can walk on the outside. I was almost waiting for this. I like his arms around me. I like walking next to him, as he's talking to his mom.

"Yes ma, don't worry. Yes, I'll get it done, don't worry. Yes tell dad also. Alright ma, love you too good night!" Click.

Always abrupt. We talk and trip each other and punch each other and laugh till we reach the momo guy. I sulk over something he says about my nose or something, and then he sulks when I sulk so I have to stop sulking. While we wait for our momos, he tells me about his "fascinating" game of DoTA and how what's his name did something to someone else and something happened. I nod along, inserting "really? wow!" at the right moments. He rambles on, blissfully unaware of my stupor. It's just that when he talks, he animates things so much that his face tends to light up, especially his eyes. I've noticed his eyes before. They kinda sparkle. Like once they were actually sparkling. I couldn't listen to what he was saying. Like what was happening at this moment. Luckily, we're done with our food, pay up, and head towards home. Screw the pani puri, I'm really tired.

"Biryani from Tastebuds, then?," he asks. Sure, why not. He makes random conversation with the restaurant guy, while I roll my eyes and smile at him when he comes back. "What?!" he says. He knows that look by now. I've given it enough times.

We head back. He holds my hand. I slip it out. He gets offended. Then I hold on tight to his hand, and he tries to free it. "Rape, somebody help! She's raping me!" he yells. After some struggle, I let go. Fine, be that way. So he laughs and reaches for my hand again.

Fastforward to getting a plate and eating the biryani. I'm not really hungry. but he feeds me anyway. It's always so good! While we're watching Naruto, I try to snuggle in and do nice cute things, and he swats me away because I apparently "have to watch this part! It's AWESOME!" It is awesome. But that boy has to straighten out his priorities. After the episode is over, he will ask me three times atleast what I think of the show. Because he thinks I'm not interested. But I am! It is quite nice. Not the best thing since sliced bread, but still. He remains unconvinced.

After a few episodes, I get up to get water, and I find him sprawled on the mattress, already passed out.

"Oye! Wake up and go sleep inside the room. Mugsy? Mugsy!" Gotta yell. If that man passes out, it is beyond my powers to wake him up again.

"Gimme ten. Go, I'll be there in a second."

"Are you sure?"

Grunts something. I go inside.

Half an hour later, I go back and shake him awake. Success! He gets up and goes to the room and immediately passes out. I sigh, try to roll him a little away so I have space, and climb in next to him.

"Good night Mugsy" I lie down, kiss him, turn around and go to sleep. Just as I'm about to fall off the bed, he, still sleeping, puts his arm around me. Bliss.

Now I'm typing this from a very comfy spacious bed, very far away from him. 8,322.9 kilometers to be precise. Sigh.