Day 6

And here I thought, something that bad couldn't possibly ever happen. No way in hell.

What a difference an extra line makes. 

Day 3

7th July 2012

Imagine this.

Flashback style.

It's around 8 o'clock. I'm in front of my mirror, with a million clothes strewn across my bed. Can't decide what to wear. Then I think, fuck this it's not like he'll notice anyway. It's just momos and pani puri. Just him and me. Then I look in the mirror again and change into something else. The phone beeps. He's left Camelot, walking now, almost at the gate (didn't I tell him to text when he was leaving his house?!) and come down now. Shit, not even done with eyeliner, no more time to change! Rush rush. I say bye to the roommates, and skedaddle down. Or rather, wait for the painfully slow lift to get to the 5th floor. He's already called again.

"Where are youuu? Come down quick re!"

"Yes, yes just a sec."

I walk out towards the gate, heart beating JUST a little faster, already smiling widely though I try to look casual and all cool and shit. Can't help it man. There he is, standing, talking on the phone to his parents, smoking a cigarette. I smile at him and we start walking towards the momos guy. While on the phone, he notices me walking on the outside. So he grabs my waist, as only he is allowed to do, and pulls me towards the inside so he can walk on the outside. I was almost waiting for this. I like his arms around me. I like walking next to him, as he's talking to his mom.

"Yes ma, don't worry. Yes, I'll get it done, don't worry. Yes tell dad also. Alright ma, love you too good night!" Click.

Always abrupt. We talk and trip each other and punch each other and laugh till we reach the momo guy. I sulk over something he says about my nose or something, and then he sulks when I sulk so I have to stop sulking. While we wait for our momos, he tells me about his "fascinating" game of DoTA and how what's his name did something to someone else and something happened. I nod along, inserting "really? wow!" at the right moments. He rambles on, blissfully unaware of my stupor. It's just that when he talks, he animates things so much that his face tends to light up, especially his eyes. I've noticed his eyes before. They kinda sparkle. Like once they were actually sparkling. I couldn't listen to what he was saying. Like what was happening at this moment. Luckily, we're done with our food, pay up, and head towards home. Screw the pani puri, I'm really tired.

"Biryani from Tastebuds, then?," he asks. Sure, why not. He makes random conversation with the restaurant guy, while I roll my eyes and smile at him when he comes back. "What?!" he says. He knows that look by now. I've given it enough times.

We head back. He holds my hand. I slip it out. He gets offended. Then I hold on tight to his hand, and he tries to free it. "Rape, somebody help! She's raping me!" he yells. After some struggle, I let go. Fine, be that way. So he laughs and reaches for my hand again.

Fastforward to getting a plate and eating the biryani. I'm not really hungry. but he feeds me anyway. It's always so good! While we're watching Naruto, I try to snuggle in and do nice cute things, and he swats me away because I apparently "have to watch this part! It's AWESOME!" It is awesome. But that boy has to straighten out his priorities. After the episode is over, he will ask me three times atleast what I think of the show. Because he thinks I'm not interested. But I am! It is quite nice. Not the best thing since sliced bread, but still. He remains unconvinced.

After a few episodes, I get up to get water, and I find him sprawled on the mattress, already passed out.

"Oye! Wake up and go sleep inside the room. Mugsy? Mugsy!" Gotta yell. If that man passes out, it is beyond my powers to wake him up again.

"Gimme ten. Go, I'll be there in a second."

"Are you sure?"

Grunts something. I go inside.

Half an hour later, I go back and shake him awake. Success! He gets up and goes to the room and immediately passes out. I sigh, try to roll him a little away so I have space, and climb in next to him.

"Good night Mugsy" I lie down, kiss him, turn around and go to sleep. Just as I'm about to fall off the bed, he, still sleeping, puts his arm around me. Bliss.

Now I'm typing this from a very comfy spacious bed, very far away from him. 8,322.9 kilometers to be precise. Sigh.

Day 2

6th July, 2012

Okay, so the writing every day thing didn't happen as planned. Missed a day. Blame the jetlag?

So last night, we had The Talk, Him and I. And last night was the last conversation we had while still together. And we also managed to sort out the mess from the night I left. Which he didn't realize was a mess apparently. This whole decision was very strange. Inspired by a friend of his? Maybe. Hm, anger is rising again. I can't let jealousy consume me again. This is why the break up is supposed to be a good thing, and I'm supposed to be happy about whoever he meets again.

What a task. Anyway, I look forward to when I will see him again. It seems like an impossibly long time away, but it will happen. I don't know where we will be in our lives.

Home, man. Home is awesome. It's just the people outside that are frustrating. If only the people I loved from college and everything were here, where it's beautiful and I have my parents with me. And where people are not so fucking racist. Honestly, can the world not fucking grow up? How can you possibly be racist in the 21st century! Next time, I swear I'm gonna punch that guy in the face.

At least the internet speed is awesome. Also looking forward to meeting the Embassy people here. Haven't interacted with uncles and aunties and little annoying kids in so long! I know I'll regret saying that later, but for now I'm a little nostalgic.

I don't know why anybody would be interesting in reading this.

Anywayyy off to my new chick flick of the day: What's Your Number?

Toodles.

Day 0

Hello, I've decided to become a proper writer and write. Er, yes. So basically it's the end of an era, college is over, my relationship is over, I'm in a new country, and there's not much to do here near the North Pole. Writing becomes the only escape. I'd promised myself that I'd write every day, and I will try to stick to that as much as I can.


Here's something from during commute.


5th July, 2012

Well here I am, finally writing in this diary almost three years after it was given to me. I finally made it on time for my flight to S, which never would have happened after pretty much one of the top ten most fucked up travel experiences ever. Been crying on and off for the whole flight because of the really weird last conversation I had with him before I left. It's kind of my fault for not charging my phone. Hence I couldn't talk to him throughout the whole ordeal. It was horrible, the last conversation. And because of stupid Air India!! Fucking telling me they're overbooked. Fucktards. Anyway, I've decided to write everyday for this grieving period that would mark the expected yet still tragic end of the relationship. And to rant about the missing fucking period. I detect a lot of anger inside me. Nooo, my phone died! AGAIN. Great. Hopefully my parents have faith in my arriving to Stockholm in one piece. Every blonde kid looks like AR, my God. Small gene pool this side of the world.

Funny thing is, when I got off at Vienna, and saw outside the really large windows, all I could think was, "Great, this again." I think I heard some Malayalam in the bathroom just now. Made me feel happy. I miss India. And everyone. I hope I don't sulk away this vacation.

Cheers to plans of swimming! Now when will boarding start??

(Must write about failed hair straightening attempt and airplane journey later.)

blah

sadness is overwhelming. i really hope that's the PMS finally kicking in. and I hate this city, filled with self righteous, overly dressed women who stare you down as you walk down the ladies compartment of the metro, as if mentally slitting your neck for wearing those shoes with those pants.


You know what I realized. This city has never been good for me. Never. Not with my family, not in school, not the people. Nothing ever seems to make it work. Can immorality really be a city wide endemic? Are they really all out to get me?

Down, Stalin-esque paranoia, down!

There should be a time limit for the amount of time I spend here. Three weeks till insanity wears me down.

You know what I like about blogs? You can be self obsessed and not talk about anything else but yourself, and no one is allowed to have a problem with it.

And right now a little jealousy is getting the best of me.

Down, Snow White's mother, down!

Gasp, I just compared myself to an evil stepmother. Overthinking, brain going into overdrive.

Must get away. To a New Castle.

An Ode to my Desk

I hate that irrevocable feeling of anxiety when you feel your world slowly spinning out of your control. When after three years of constancy, you don't know what tomorrow will look like.

And when you suddenly realize how much that desk you had with you for two years meant to you, but you realize too late because it's now in the hands of some juniors, who might desecrate it with ash and loud metal music. Oh desk, I'm sorry I wasn't there to bid you goodbye! I know I've dumped a lot of baggage on you, but you've always carried everything, the good and bad, with great storage capacity.You and I had many memories together - I cleaned up the bird shit that I found on you after two months apart, you held my empty liquor bottles right from the very first wine, I kept my best secrets with you, and you took away all my useless papers with so much good will. I'll always treasure the times we spent together.  I know I lost the key to your drawer, but you'll always have a key to my heart. I hope those boys find as much happiness with you as I did.

:')

incomplete.
like sleepless in seattle.
like naruto.
like plans.
like bets.
like
us