Sunday, January 11, 2015

What is intimacy?
To me, it's
Haha no, not really.
Well maybe, a bit.

It is telling him
About the dream you had last night;
About your fear
Drowning under colossal waves;
About shopping for groceries
And arguing over gherkins.
It is about reminding
Him that he's capable and smart;
That he can get there if he wants;
That his friends are there
For him, and his dad
Really does love him.

It is cleaning the kitchen
Together, or rolling a joint while
He cooks Christmas dinner.
It is watching the sky turn
It is seeing him laugh across the room
With strangers and
Rescuing him because you can tell he's faking.

It is sharing what you write,
Or telling him how you'll
Raise your kids.
It is sharing a
Secret that you both protect
From everyone else.

It makes the whole greater than its parts.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

It's the fourth day of the New Year and so far, the feeling of new beginnings haven't ebbed away completely. Lots of revelations though. It's been a strange few weeks, with a lot of futile introspection. I've realized I really dislike being alone. But I also can't stand the company of people. 

Yesterday, I had to go to work for a meeting. The office was pretty empty because it was a Saturday, and after the meeting (and taking advantage of the internet to download a few torrents), I went to lunch at Evergreens. In the midst of the hustle bustle of this restaurant (why it was busy even at 4 PM, I have no idea), I sat there by myself and looked around. Friends talking, families eating together, uncles, aunties, firangs, waiters. So much conversation all around me, and I felt relieved to have the peace to observe all these people. Just so happy to be able to order my aloo parantha in peace, and not have to talk to anyone. Also, there's a rarity attached to the occurrence of a girl in Delhi eating alone at a restaurant. Why people  here don't like being by themselves once in a while, I'll never know. 

Anyway, I realized I've started enjoying solitude more than company, and I wonder if that should be a a warning signal. But I've really had it with small talk. Is that making me antisocial? Every day I wonder what sort of person I am. It's a little tiring.