Sunday, January 12, 2014

i think its more than about time for a new blogpost, and rant out my thoughts, though it wont be a rant so much as a quiet and desperate groveling with the gods of fate to make sure im not on the path to a destitute life of living on bread and peanut butter for the remainder of my existence.

the thing i like about this blog is that hardly any people know about it. even then, i look at the stats on my page (i don't know why), and today to my absolute horror i realized TWENTY TWO people looked at my blog on the 9th of january. first, this seems like an obtrusive invasion of privacy. sure my blog is on the internet, but STILL. the internet is a big place, why are 22 strangers reading my blog? secondly, the source of all the traffic seems to be from some dating site. curiouser and curiouser. maybe the blog seems like a safe haven for people sad enough to be on dating sites. market niche? or sign for some major inner reflection?

right now, i think im in that phase of life in my 20s which every Buzzfeed article prepares its readers for. honestly, though, how many lists for 20 somethings can that website publish on repeat? yes, Buzzfeed, i don't know where my life is going, the financial situation isn't looking great, im living with my parents again after an exodus that lasted four years, and i'm not sure what career choices to make.

the thing with those articles is, is that they always somehow make you think it will all be okay. in fact, most movies and books and quotes and stories tell you the same thing... that it will turn out okay in the end, that you're meant to be on this path, and it will take you where you need to go. what worries me is the fact that we know this is not true for everyone. there are poor people, and people who struggle to make ends meet, or end up at deadbeat jobs that turn them into bitter, dull people. yes, yes, the future is in our hands blah blah, but it takes so much energy to be proactive, something i just don't have. energetic people make me feel so uncomfortable whenever they're in the vicinity. especially those "morning people."  this goddamned laziness will spell the end of me, i swear.

well, it is the new year. even though this means absolutely nothing. but. fresh start and all that, not the time to become completely devoid of optimism. 

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