Friday, July 13, 2012

day 9

In order to not get hurt in life, you must remember that people are expendable. The people who remain in your life deserve to stay there, but the ones you keep fighting to keep... after a point you have to realize that you must let go. There will be more. Maybe that seems like looking into a gloomy void right now. But eventually the void will decrease to a light at the end of a lonesome tunnel. If it doesn't, hey, I'm sure you should go back and call that person. Because maybe you've got some past life karma to work out. Maybe. Bollywood movies have made me think a little fantastically. Fantasyishly? You get the point right?

You know what's annoying though? The person who you've finally decided to let go of, gives a reason for his or her behaviour, and you decide to rethink your decision to let them go. And then they go and do the same thing again. And then again you must steel your heart and be ready to let them go. And again they apologize. And so it continues.

At this point, you must realize that you definitely do have a past life connection. It's almost always with the people we find hardest to detach from.

Children are always fascinating. Without any current life karma. I mean, I'm sure no kid would hold a lifetime grudge if another kid ate his crayons. 

What if there was a child? What if that child was somehow symbolic of something? I don't know yet what it could be symbolic of. A deep connection between two people? Well that's pretty obvious. Is it symbolic of some weird connection? A reason that they will never let go? Is it symbolic of something we are trying to avoid having to face? Why is it, sorry he or she, there? 

What is this strange bond between a mother and a child? What thoughts come into her head about the father? It's really scary to imagine this happening. There's a wall there, stopping any thoughts from being thought. An anvil which squashes any thoughts that might come up.

This is definitely not the time. But I don't know what this connection is, between you and me. But it's there. Even if  I tried to get away from it. Even if tomorrow I decided not to talk to you the entire day. I don't know if I could. The thought of not talking to you an entire day is really scary. 

If I write an auto biography, it would start like this, "Once upon a time, my life was carefree and idyllic. Then one day, I met you." 

Okay so it's not one of the most inspired things I've come up with. Shall keep working on that. In the meantime, if you're reading this, please don't feel bad like you are prone to feeling after things like this. By some insane fucking karmic logic, I still love you. 

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