Wednesday, August 31, 2011

the first man in my life

I've known him for years and years. I know his mannerisms, I know when he's annoyed, when he's happy, when he's excited and what pisses him off. Throughout the years though, he's retained his mysteries. But let me explain a bit about the type of person he is, the amount that I know.

I'm sure he used to be a charmer, back in the day. He still is. The life of the party, the center of attention, everyone's best friend. That's him. Usually the peacemaker, always the one to put people in a merry mood. There's something about him that strangers find comfort in. His easy smile and jovial nature, maybe. That was him, at the top of his game.

Though he's the life of the party, at home he's a much different person. Exemplary of the perfect Gemini. As he crosses the threshold of his home, he sheds the social butterfly exterior and retreats into his mind, into himself to become a quiet, pensive and introspective man. Where outside, he used to crack a joke at a second, now he becomes easily peeved, allowing the weight of the world that rests on his shoulders to finally weigh him down.

Lately, I've begun to read him a little more. The years have started to run him down. He lives for others. He lives for his family, to make sure they're happy. He's gotten dogged down with his priorities that he's stopped looking inside to see what he wants. Now, it's like he's stopped living for himself. He used to live for others, but now those others have had to leave for the time being. And he feels stranded.

I wish you would explore. I wish you'd stretch out the wings of your own potential, because it's still there. The years don't show on your face, but lately they've started to claim a place. Yes, your hair is become white, yes your eyes are wrinkling a little more, and yes, your health is not what it once was. But you're still in there somewhere, the one who used to give me piggy back rides, who used to race me every morning before school started, who taught me how to make omelettes, who bought me my first guitar, who picked me up from my first dance. You were the first man in my life, and you are the one I aspire to be like. And even though we've been at odds with each other for many years, of course I love you - you're my father, after all.

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