Monday, May 30, 2011

The Third Stage

Bargaining. Already.

I don't know why I'm writing again, when I have nothing to say. Nothing's changed. Except I realized, somehow, somewhere, something's not the same. It's like I've been falling, all this while with the certainty that there's a mattress down there, ready to catch me. It's still there, but now I never wanna reach the bottom.

Wow, my writing's started to suck. Ok, ignoring all the eyes I feel are watching me, or would watch me as I publish this, and talking only to myself.

It's KILLING me right now to not pick up the phone, to make everything the same as it was once. Maybe I can call ceasefire? Maybe you really won't be such a weak willed bastard the next time? But you know what irks me the most? You didn't even try to stop me. I left and you accepted it.

And HER. For the LOVE OF GOD! There was once a time when it was alright, she was allowed to be mad at me. But now, she's this delusional psychopath who hasn't got any remains of dignity left. And I realize maybe I can't ever let this blog become public. But for god's sake!

I'll delete this post. But for now, let me vent. There's oh so much to vent.

Friday, May 27, 2011

In his memory

So... you know that story I was telling you about? The one that I said wasn't a fairytale? Well, you know why? Because in that story, everyone did not live happily after. People died in that story. Don't worry, they were imaginary. Too bad the rest of it wasn't.

Lately I've been introspecting. What kind of a fool was I? Yes there are varieties. I came up with an answer too. I was the masochistic kind. Once, a friend told me that I seemed like a cold hearted bitch (he meant it in the nicest way) and that comment.. well it stuck. I felt like I really did have no emotions. That was scary. Did I not feel? Was I cold, apathetic? Just like the rest of my family? No, of course not. I could feel... I'd show them.

So I came to him. And they told me he'd hurt me. And I didn't care. Because I wanted to see, you know? See how much he could possibly hurt me. How far would he be able to break me? Ah, but this one was cruel. He didn't come with a sleek blade. No, he came at my heart with a dull axe. Bouts of pain, but hey, I made it through! Until the last one. No, that last attempt really pretty much cracked it. So I withdrew it; my heart, that is. Now its slightly deformed, slightly mangled, in need of repair. It needs to catch its breath, but it's still there pumping. But I showed them. I was capable of emotion! Who's laughing now?

The thing is, I'm over it. But only because I have to be. Because it would be the most stupid thing in the history of the universe (except for the invention of the plastic duck for the tub) to go back. I know that. They know that. Everyone knows that. But that doesn't mean I can't keep glancing at my phone every once in a while. It doesn't mean I can't read his old messages. It doesn't mean I can't go through the past in my head.

It doesn't mean I can't regret what won't come back. Oh, and who died? Well, Bob did. Remember him? Yeah a cleaver couldn't kill him, but a kiss gone astray could.

Monday, May 16, 2011

life is extraordinary in the way we tell it.

that is the secret to a more than ordinary life.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Janota

Some copy for a shoe line. Theme: Elements

Fire

Cool flames frolicking in front of your eyes. The sizzling sensation of systematic devastation. The world is set ablaze. Do you have the right shoes?

Earth

Volcanic ash shimmering in the twilight of dawn, simmering down on a silent earth. A thin streak of sunlight escapes from the belt of the horizon. It’s a new day, a new beginning. Do you have the right shoes?

Wind

Many things ride the wind. Autumn leaves broken from their homes, the summery scent of fresh grass, the waft of rain, the flutter of wings, the skip of a heartbeat. Now it’s your turn. Do you have the right shoes?

Water

Tread past the white froth sparking on the rocks. A plunge into oceans blue. Deep, deeper, until the surface is a mirage. A new universe, mystic, mesmerizing, metamorphic. A transformation, unrelenting. Another adventure. Do you have the right shoes?

Ether

Something surreal, something unreal, like the everlasting turning of a diving wheel. Mountains shift, winds change, waters tremble. It awakens, asks you to follow it into the abyss. Do you have the right shoes?