Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
I used to think I was good at expressing what I felt, atleast with the written word. It used to be true until this situation I got stuck in. Literally like stuck between a rock and a hard place. But after a whole lot of miserable existence, I’ve had enough. After all, how long can a person whine and complain and be negative? My fourth grade teacher had labeled me as a happy camper, and I’d like to do her a bit of justice.
You were the best thing to come my way, in all my life, but for some reason, I couldn’t reciprocate. I’m sorry I became sidetracked. But it all became so overwhelming. I don’t want to write for sympathy. I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for my position, because I deserve it and I’ll take my dues. Happily. Shout at me. Yell. Make me feel like the lowliest piece of crap on the planet, because I know I deserve it. But you didn’t do any of that. You couldn’t be mad at me.
Cue in the biggest guilt trip ever. Part two.
I still don’t know what I want. The thing is, if you and I.. if we lived in the same city, I would come back. Does that make my love seem shallow? Should I be ready to face all hurdles? I know you are. You’ve always been ready. And I was too, until I started looking for the little things. And they were all missing. They just weren’t there. Meeting you felt like a special occasion. And that was something we both knew from the start. But then, I just didn’t know how I’d feel about it six months down the line.
When my friends would complain about not seeing their boyfriend all day, I’d secretly grow angry. I hadn’t seen you in three weeks! What right did they have to complain when I never did? Celebrating anniversaries became passé for them while for me, it was still so new and exciting, because hey! We were going strong! I guess with the distance, I never took you for granted.
That’s why I never wanted to let you go. You understood like no one ever did. I felt more comfortable with you. No one understood my moods like you did. And you know, despite every impractical, illogical, crazy, bitchy mood swing I threw at you, you were right there by my side. Who does that? It felt incredible.
That’s why I still don’t want you to go. Or if you do, please come back. There’s no one else I can see myself with in the future. And what with life taking me in directions I don’t know, I know that having a claim and then not having you – that’s hard for me. Then temptations come and I think, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone who I can see every day? So what if, you know, the connection wasn’t as amazing as ours? It’s good enough.
Good enough with someone there, or amazing with someone not there? That’s the decision I’ve been trying to make.
Maybe I’ve been running away from something so deep. That could make sense. This new relationship that’s sprung up… it’s not as intense. It’s very in the moment. It’s like that moment when you’re underwater for a really long time, and then come up for a breath. Because I can go back to being in my shell. In my comfort zone. It’s a relief because I know he doesn’t have that power over me, not yet. I spend time with him because it makes me happy with no strings attached. We don’t have tags, and more than anything, we’re friends.
I want you to be happy. I want you to know that you have me whenever you need me. But right now, I can't come back. I need to do this for myself.
I’m tired of trying to keep everyone placated. Of trying desperately not to hurt anyone. I’m tired of thinking.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Some copy for a shoe line. Theme: Elements
Cool flames frolicking in front of your eyes. The sizzling sensation of systematic devastation. The world is set ablaze. Do you have the right shoes?
Volcanic ash shimmering in the twilight of dawn, simmering down on a silent earth. A thin streak of sunlight escapes from the belt of the horizon. It’s a new day, a new beginning. Do you have the right shoes?
Many things ride the wind. Autumn leaves broken from their homes, the summery scent of fresh grass, the waft of rain, the flutter of wings, the skip of a heartbeat. Now it’s your turn. Do you have the right shoes?
Tread past the white froth sparking on the rocks. A plunge into oceans blue. Deep, deeper, until the surface is a mirage. A new universe, mystic, mesmerizing, metamorphic. A transformation, unrelenting. Another adventure. Do you have the right shoes?
Something surreal, something unreal, like the everlasting turning of a diving wheel. Mountains shift, winds change, waters tremble. It awakens, asks you to follow it into the abyss. Do you have the right shoes?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
it's not breaking. it's like it's made out of diamond. unbreakable. i speak and my voice bounces around, in my own head. i yell and shout, still it echoes back to me. laughing faces come and fade away. nothing is permanent except for this bubble. but the air is running out, it has to pop soon.
things are so different now. the world's changed. it's all their fault, i swear. it's cut off my voice, my thoughts. i used to dream, now i float.
this isn't some poetic angst blog. this is me, trying to get thoughts out of my head. trying to reconnect. it's nice to move away, to start fresh. a clean slate. the old one's got puke on it and no one wants to clean up.
but new slates are hard to come by. please help me clean it up. please don't leave me stranded with the dirty slate. i know i can't do it by myself. don't leave.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Well, I got kicked out for not wearing flat black close toed shoes.
But fascism ended a long time ago, you shout!
Think again, I declare.
The whole scenario today was rather reminiscent of Nazi Germany. The administration - the SS officers. The students - the Jewish population. There are strong parallels. Just as the Jews shed their religious clothing and shaved their beards, so too did we burn our non collared shirts, our Osho chappals, and hide our tattoos, piercings and highlights. Anne Frank hid in an attic. The students crammed into the bathrooms, or into the sanctuary of the Design floors. In the concentration camps, the prisoners could see the hopes that lay in lands far away. We students of this college can only look down to the four floors of the Institute of Design, sighing in envy as they prance around in chappals, tank tops and *gasp* shorts!
Alas this drudgery. The unfairness of it all. Still we find joy. Even victims of concentration camps found certain moments of joy in their lives. We laugh at the ineptitude of some of the staff. We laugh, still incredulous, that we're not allowed to attend lectures because our sleeves were rolled up. We ROFL when a friend gets a warning letter - one of the severest punishments - for chewing gum in class. Sure, in the beginning it was all a bit intimidating.
Now, it's just an average event in an average day in an otherwise uneventful existence.