Friday, September 3, 2010


Maybe it's time to end this. This is not what I imagined it to be. This is not what I imagined myself to be. It's all too much, too heavy, too needy, too dependant. That's not how it was supposed to be. And I don't need it right now. And my god, there're so many expectations. I can't even begin to tell you...the ones in my mind. It's not your fault but sometimes, they drive me insane.

I'm going mad. I can feel it. And I think it's this, which is driving me towards insanity. How is that possible?

How can something that makes me feel so good also make me feel like such shit? What is it? Is it love? Or desperation? I need you to be with me, but I can't say it. So I throw tests which you ignore.

Heavy. Way too heavy.

It's like a snake. Coiling its body. First one way, the good, happy, "we're so into each other" way, and then the other way, where nothing seems to go right. I wanna end this. Make it a chapter. Stop it from being a book. But that's recklessness.

But I want to do something...something I know will hurt me so bad I'll crush. Under the weight of my own stupid, stupid mistakes. I want to see what it's like to feel like that.

Mistake. I can see it's my fault. I'm throwing the tornado in my head at you. You don't know what to do about it. I told you I would be this way. Tell the tornado to stop.

I'm begging you.

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