Thursday, September 16, 2010

What I Want for My Birthday

1) Casablanca. Heard too much about it without ever watching it. This has got to stop.
2) Indian Economics by Datt. Yeah you heard right. Don't try reading that again. Might as well ask for something useful.
3) Posters. Because my room looks like a refugee camp sometimes.
4) Scented candles. See above. And cuz, you know, I'm a chick :P
5) To attain enlightenment.
6) World peace. Why not?
7) Guess who? :)
8) Blueberry cheesecake. Wait a second, this should be first! There are few things in the world more mind bogglingly delicious than blueberry cheesecake.
9) To know if reincarnation really exists, and if so, what kind of a life I had, who from my present featured before, etc etc. Kinda weird but I've been readjusting my belief system recently.
10) To do something nice for someone. Not that I'm saying that birthdays are the only time of the year people should be giving in nature...there's Christmas too.
11) Pens. I don't KNOW where they all disappear! I really don't!
12) I want to laugh. Like a lot. Things haven't been such sunshine for some unexplainable reason.
13) For people to not be shallow and obsessed with outer appearances. Because really, there's more important things to worry about. Like global warming. And world hunger. Which reminds me...
14) An end to world hunger. If anybody out there is listening. And because global warming is too much of a headache.
15) My family, my home. After spending three weeks of "quality time" last summer, I never thought I'd be saying that but hey, if pigs can fly (read: swine flu) then other miracles can happen too.
16) A great time. Whatever (or whoever) that entails.
17) Pens. Yeah, that's how desperately I need them.
18) I don't know really. Because usually people don't really know what they want. Maybe I don't want all these things. Except for world peace (so please vote for me when I run for president! Oh, wait, you can't, thanks to the weird secret way of deciding who President is in this country. Pseudo democratism)
19) Peace of mind.

Nineteen things. For the nineteenth year.
Genius, no?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

There are moments in life when a sudden realization, a brilliant epiphany hits you... but this time it's not the kind where a white light shines down on you and angels sing in the background. No. This is the one where you do something, and later there is this moment... the "Oh Fuck" moment. We've all had it, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

For example, the "Oh Fuck" moment when you realize you impulsively blew an obscene amount of money on something that doesn't fit. When you realize you have inadvertently stuck yourself in the corner with some greasy bastard whose breath smells like tuna fish. When you realize you're outside and not wearing any clothes.

Ok so the last one usually only happens in dreams. Usually.

So basically, the feeling is one of "whatthefuckhaveIgottenmyselfintoohgodpleaseletthisbeadream." Its a common phenomenon. Documented by people in shiny white lab coats and everything. But the thing is, everything happens for a reason. That's what I believe anyway. Everything we go through, there's some higher purpose for that. For our "suffering," excuse me for sounding so Biblical. Not that there's anything wrong in that. These "Oh Fuck" moments have a purpose. They teach us lessons. They help us make better judgements in the future. And if not that, they make a great story to tell whilst drinking. Drinking milk.

Obviously, dad.

So let's raise our glasses to the OF moments in life, because as someone not so smart once said, shit happens. Cheers.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Mistakes

Maybe it's time to end this. This is not what I imagined it to be. This is not what I imagined myself to be. It's all too much, too heavy, too needy, too dependant. That's not how it was supposed to be. And I don't need it right now. And my god, there're so many expectations. I can't even begin to tell you...the ones in my mind. It's not your fault but sometimes, they drive me insane.

I'm going mad. I can feel it. And I think it's this, which is driving me towards insanity. How is that possible?

How can something that makes me feel so good also make me feel like such shit? What is it? Is it love? Or desperation? I need you to be with me, but I can't say it. So I throw tests which you ignore.

Heavy. Way too heavy.

It's like a snake. Coiling its body. First one way, the good, happy, "we're so into each other" way, and then the other way, where nothing seems to go right. I wanna end this. Make it a chapter. Stop it from being a book. But that's recklessness.

But I want to do something...something I know will hurt me so bad I'll crush. Under the weight of my own stupid, stupid mistakes. I want to see what it's like to feel like that.

Mistake. I can see it's my fault. I'm throwing the tornado in my head at you. You don't know what to do about it. I told you I would be this way. Tell the tornado to stop.

I'm begging you.