Monday, November 30, 2009

Spiderwebs

I've decided to restart my blog after multiple prods from sources that shall remain unknown so that they don't revel in the satisfaction of knowing that they succeeded in their attempts to create a change in my otherwise lackadaisical existence. That, and I have too many things on my mind which need to be unloaded. Things have changed. I'm still trying to figure out whether for the better or for the worse. Suddenly, it's like I'm not backstage anymore, I've been pushed out onto the stage, in full limelight. Ready to act my part. But the problem is...I don't really know my lines. And improvisation was never my forte. Hence the state of quandary which perpetuates my every thought these days. And the need for release. And this new post. Now, to organize things in my mind.
I don't believe in love. That was my main thing in life for a very long time. It still is in fact. Talking to married couples who can't bite back their cynicisms regarding the whole institution of marriage, so many dissatisfactory marriages, so many regrets...it's bound to leave an impression. When the only true love story you see is in a movie, it's tough to believe that they still exist when the real life examples don't have the same results. Sometimes I think the reason Shakespeare killed off Romeo and Juliet is because, if they had gotten the chance to consummate their love, and get married and all that, the magic would surely have disappeared. The charm of their love would have worn off eventually. Perhaps they, too, would become like every other squabbling couple on this planet. Imagine her telling him to not keep his sword lying around the house, or him arguing with her for not stuffing the pheasant they way he likes it. Maybe Shakespeare thought that the message of the play would be better enunciated if the lovers died as that, as lovers.
This cynicism scares me. Recently, I had an eye opener of a discussion with one of my friends (btw, trust me, this does NOT happen often) and I realized that, holding on to this belief that love doesn't exist, I was digging my own grave. This tough exterior, besides shielding what's on the inside, is also keeping me from realizing that maybe there IS something out there that's close to love. If not the Disney kind, then atleast the normal, human kind. The belief is probably a result of commitment-phobia, that stupid fear of trusting anyone lest they hurt us.
I've started thinking things over now. I'm giving this whole love thing a chance. I'm dusting off the old spiderwebs. Let's see what they uncover.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Life is Like a Basket of Puppies Sometimes

I don't know what I mean by that title, really. Actually I guess I do, life is just so nice and cute and playful that you just wanna take it home and feed it and don't want it to grow up and be all lazy. Make of that what you will. Moving on, why is it that there are always certain things in life which insist on making the latter painstakingly awkward? Let's call subject in question Melman (yes, the giraffe in Madagascar). Yes, we all know he likes Gloria, but if she makes it very clear that she is NOT interested, is it necessary to follow her around like a lost puppy? (Again with these puppy examples...I have dogs on the brain) Hold your head up high and have some dignity, man! I mean, giraffe! Sigh. Ah well, can't have all your eggs in one basket. Erm, yes that didn't make any sense, but neither do a lot of things in life.
Like, for example, why that ONE person you want most to pay all his attention to you just doesn't (atleast not to your complete satisfaction). But, let's not make this one of those blogs where teens drone on and on about their crushes. Except for like one more minute. Let's call this subject Horton (because I recently saw the movie. that is one funny elephant! with a very cute ass), and Horton is a very confused little elephant who doesn't know what he wants in life. He's already fallen for some of the Who-ville chicks, and moved past them as well. For now, I'm trying the whole "I couldn't give a donkey's ass" technique, so let's see how that turns out. Ok, this is turning into the oldest story in the book, so NEXT.
College is a pain most of the time. Never in my life have I ever encountered a teacher so close minded as the one who took my class this morning. Aren't teachers supposed to be open to new ideas?! No, we're NOT here to agree to whatever some lady standing in front of us says. Excuse me, but we're adults, and we should be able to disagree and form our own opinions! We have OPINIONS and if we can't express them in a course that calls itself Media and COMMUNICATIONS, then obviously there's a problem there. I'd say more but again, I find myself being made a fool of by time. If that made sense. Basically, it's late. So, signing off again, hoping the puppies haven't grown up too much by tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

A Whole New World

The most annoying habit of mine is my innate instinct to procrastinate. It's been a part of my life, and realistically, it hasn't been THAT much of a problem (for most of the time). But n0w after about eight weeks of considering it, I've finally started my very own blog! Funny things, blogs, feeding our need to express ourselves and attract attention, but more on that later.
So, it's almost one at night and there's a huge ass assignment due tomorrow. And here I am, not doing it. What's the point anyway, when, after having started life at uni, I've suddenly lost focus on my life goals (everyone has them...right?). I wanted to be a journalist first (well, actually I wanted to be a photographer way back when I was five, but look how that turned out (ie not well)) and help people in some way, but it seems like a journalist's life is bogged down by deadlines and stories and leads and beats and the like. Where's the human angle?! Since when has society turned into a money making maching? Honestly, the world needs more idealists. And more food apparently.
College life is interesting in new ways. Like, for example, who knew Gay Chicken was a game? (One of the most entertaining to watch, really.) And that the world is filled with people with amazing talents. And that it would be so hard to find your way among them. And that meeting your new friends along the way would make you get up out of bed even at an indecent hour like 7:30 in the morning. Speaking of which...actually I'd rather not. The thought of waking up is too painful. As is the effort it's taking me to keep my eyes open right now. So, adieu to which ever poor/kind soul is reading this!